When our boys feel seen, our girls feel safe!

Why empowering boys also means protecting girls!

“If only you mums would bring your boys up properly, our girls wouldn’t have to worry all the time!” That’s the kind of comment I get on socials, usually when I dare to talk about boys in a positive way.
The radical influx of negativity directed at anyone male is becoming increasingly ignorant of age.

My perspective as a woman and a mother

As a woman, I’ve had my ‘fair’ share (not that any of it is fair!) of horrid experiences at the hands of men; from a kidnapping attempt as a child to all kinds of sexual harassment. The list is too long. And all of it has left a bitter aftertaste: Fear. Constant fear.

Even though I live in a very safe rural place, those experiences have shaped how I move around, plan trips, and decide when and where I can move freely.

So yes, I understand what women and girls are talking about and why there is so much anger!

As a mum of a teen daughter, I fight intrusive thoughts daily. Knowing too well what is ‘out there’ is gut-wrenching, to put it midly. It’s unfair, horrendous, and needs to change.

As if worrying when your child is out wasn’t enough, we now also have to worry about who might access them online.

But I’m also a mum of a teen boy

And I worry about him too.
I worry about what the world tells my boy about men, and about being one.
The dangerous influences.
The shaming whispers and giggles about ‘all things men’.
The public humiliation when teen boys find the courage to ask a girl out.
The daily headlines of men committing crimes.
The TV programs whose villains are almost always male.
It doesn’t end there.

What the boys themselves say

A recent report, The Voice of the Boys — published by Male Allies UK in October 2025 — asked boys in secondary schools across Great Britain how they feel about being a boy today.
Their answers were striking:

• 81% said there aren’t enough spaces to just be a boy
• 72% don’t have more than one person who truly knows them
• 65% feel school isn’t preparing them for adult life

They spoke of loneliness, confusion, and pressure, but also of kindness, curiosity, and a genuine desire to do good.
Most aren’t angry or entitled; they’re simply searching for belonging and for someone to listen.

What we often forget is that most boys don’t recognise themselves in those headlines either.
They’re growing up in a world that sees them more as a potential threat than a potential hero and that hurts.

While teenage years is already a period of massive changes and ‘finding yourself’, many boys are being judged before they even know what they are about.

Where we’re getting it wrong

As children, we all dream of who we’ll become. No one is born dreaming to be a criminal, a predator. Something has to go badly wrong to become that person — and that’s the conversation we aren’t having enough.

As a society (and not mums of boys), we are getting it badly wrong.
I now witness boys of primary school age being accused of the same horrid behaviours as grown men. Instead of compassion, I hear anger, accusations, and sheer rage.
It’s frightening to live in a society that has lost its sense of when a person is an actual victim.

Online harms for boys are increasing too: Grooming, violent pornography and sextortion are becoming increasingly problematic but rarely getting any attention.

Who is protecting our boys?

Who is going to help that young boy become a better person?
Which system will help him fulfill his childhood dreams?

We’ve forgotten our boys

We’ve discussed the term toxic masculinity to shreds, but we’re missing the most important point:
We have a whole generation of boys — our future men — right in front of us. A generation we can still shape, support, and empower.

But the one thing boys are not allowed anymore: To just ‘be’, be themselves and have fun. We know from research that boys need more physical movement, not only as a way of learning and processing but also for their mental well-being. Boys need to experience, challenge themselves, push boundaries, destroy and re-build. THIS is their natural habitat.

And yet our school system requires obedience (physical and mental) and an attention span that is not only unnatural but also being challenged and destroyed via the digital world. We are setting them up for failure.

Specialists are calling for boys to start school a year later than girls, simply because the development of the male brain is different. Not slower, different.

We’ve been so rightly focused on empowering girls and women that we’ve forgotten our boys. Or worse, we’ve torn them down.

Boys feel the negativity bias against them but have no way to defend themselves
This leads to confusion, frustration, loneliness, and a lack of belonging. And from where I am sitting, boys are being tripped up and then shamed for doing so. At every level.

Teen boys, who have never even kissed a girl, are being made to feel ashamed and fearful that they’ll become predators or abusers. Whether it’s PSHE lessons at school or subtle messaging across social channels, there are almost no positive conversations about boys and their potential.
No wonder there’s so much space for bad influences to take hold and the online world a welcome escape. One that has replaced what once used to be a natural meeting and socializing ground for teens: Skate parks, youth clubs and play grounds – all gradually disappearing.

Emancipation is not a competition

It’s a cooperation aimed at achieving the best for all of us.

The sobering reality is that our girls will only ever be safe if we empower our boys too.
As a mum of a boy, I feel deeply that they’ve been left behind. They deserve to be seen, loved, and empowered just as much as any girl.

The quiet crisis

Beyond the loud and negative male voices are the quiet ones; the boys and men who never speak.
Three out of four suicides involve men under 50.
Notes left behind often read:

“I didn’t feel I mattered” or “I didn’t feel needed.”

These are the drowned voices of boys and men who didn’t had a safe space, or a full palette of emotions, had bad luck in life or had to life without true connection.

Girls and women, by nature, tend to connect easily and physically — hugging, sitting close, talking. Boys, however, lose that physical closeness as they enter adolescence.

Many now turn online for connection

forming friendships through gaming or even with AI chatbots that pretend to care. It’s heartbreaking, not because they’re weak, but because they’re lonely and misunderstood.

We all need love, connection, and those oxytocin hits we crave.
While girls and women have become stronger and found the independence they deserved, many boys and men are now left confused about a role that once seemed so clear.

What science tells us

As babies, we all live in “soft” times, using mainly the right side of our brain, the part that helps us feel close to nature and others.
This is one reason it can be easier for mums to connect with babies than for dads.

As language develops and the left brain gets more involved, things change. But girls are often allowed to live in that soft space for longer, with dolls, cuddles and fairy tales, while boys are encouraged to “be strong” and “run fast.”
If that pressure to perform, especially through competitive sports, continues, it can bleed into their future relationships.

What I learned from talking to men

In my latest podcast In Tune with Teens with the CIC Resilient Lives (Pizza Pirates), working in male mental health, I learned something powerful:
For many men, there are mainly two emotions: “I’m ok” and “I’m angry.”

As Simon Dyer and Derek O’Toole explained, many boys and men have never had the chance to explore the full range of human emotions.

Their message was clear:
The role modelling and the conversations must come from men.
Boys need strong, positive male role models; men willing to show vulnerability, talk about emotions, and build a community that watches out for one another.

We need that neighbour (or village) who quietly takes a boy aside to explain why something wasn’t appropriate, not the person who takes a photo and posts it on social media.
There’s no in-between anymore, and that’s part of the problem.

The hope we still have

In a world that feels overwhelming and spirit-crushing, we’ve forgotten how impactful we still are. Our kids and teens watch our every move. They see how we do relationships, how we talk, interact, apologise, have fun and what behaviour we tolerate.
They hear and watch how we express emotions and that becomes their standard.

Especially during the teenage years, when parents often feel pushed away, ignored, or ridiculed, we need to remember this phase isn’t personal. It’s simply a necessary step toward adulthood.

If we can stay present (even at the most challenging hour), keep listening (even through the endless rants), talk about our own emotions (even when met with an eye-roll), and remain non-judgmental about what our teens are going through, we’re doing great.

Our role in all this

For boys especially, being able to process their thoughts and emotions with an adult, instead of an immature mate, a chat bot, a toxic influencer, or a biased algorithm — is gold.

And that’s where we come in. In the words of The Voice of the Boys report “Boys can’t be what they can’t see.”

Let’s give our boys the chance to see a bright future, to believe in the good they can bring into the world, the great men they can become and the undeniable value they already hold.

Because empowering boys isn’t a threat to girls — it’s their greatest protection!